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Posted on Dec 27, 2012 in Technology | 1 comment

Every Type of Tweet Ever (probably)

Every Type of Tweet Ever (probably)

As you meander your way on Twitter you may have started to notice some repeating patterns. I may only follow a tiny percentage of Twitter’s millions of registered users but I have a feeling that even the small sample of tweets I see is fairly representative. As I pursued the Twitter stream, I started to note down the various types I saw as they arose. This is the list so far. So, every type of tweet ever, probably. Would love to hear the ones you have encountered so I can add to the list, there are obviously hundreds more…

Tweet Type : Days of Week

Example :¬†Yay it’s Friday ūüôā /¬†Boo it’s Monday ūüôĀ

Really people? Do we not all know what day it is? Oh yeah, him, he never knows what day it is, but apart from that…

Tweet Type : Time of Year

Example : Happy Divali! / Joyeux Noel

Why not? it’s Christmas after all! And it’s cheaper and more eco-friendly than sending cards.

Tweet Type : News Feeds
Example : BBC / Sky News etc

It saves you checking the sites, so I think this is a good thing?

Tweet Type : Useful tweets from good people that share good stuff
Example : People like @Sheamus

This is really what Twitter is all about, innit?

Tweet Type :¬†The ‘no idea what it is’ link
Example : Yes RT Please! RT Defo RT bit.ly/whoknowswhat

Go on, gimme a clue that make encourage me to click.

Tweet Type : Sharing life affirming quotes
Example :¬†“Isn’t life so wonderful when you stop and smell the roses” – some nobber

Really? Must we?

Tweet Type : Retweeting other people sharing life affirming quotes
Example :¬†I feel it bro -> RT @nobber”Isn’t life so wonderful when you stop and smell the roses” – some bigger nobber

No comment necessary

Tweet Type : Actually being funny
Example :¬†Too many but a special to @BeardedGenius – he’s quite a talent.

Ain’t it great when the world makes you laugh?

Tweet Type : Checkins
Example :¬†I’m wearing Calvin Klein (Boxer Style) Via @pantz

Slightly torn here as I’ve been known to do this. I don’t tweet Foursquare checkins any more, even though they have, in the past, led me to meet people I would have otherwise missed. Untappd checkins are the best, they make everyone think I’m an alky.

Tweet Type : Self-promotion

Now, I know you think that Twitter is the future of marketing but, well, let me say this very simply. Your Twitter following is a closed set – so if you tweet something like “buy my shit” and then tweet the same thing again 4 hours later ad infinitum it is going to the same group, they heard you/ignored you/unfollowed you already. Enough.

Tweet Type : Sneakily self-promoting by retweeting another account that everyone knows is you

It’s not big and it’s not clever.

Tweet Type : Tweeting a blog post link when it publishes

This is useful. In most cases, I want to know when the people I follow publish something. It’s usually interesting. I do this and then I pathetically¬†DM people begging for RT’s ūüôā

Tweet Type : Fishing for sympathy
Example :¬†I’m so sad today, I may cry.

Go on then, cry. Then post a picture of yourself in tears somewhere. You’re not really sad. Really sad people don’t bother hanging about on Twitter attention seeking. Pah!

Tweet Type : Being pointlessly mysterious
Example :¬†I don’t know what I bother.

Shut up. Just SHUT. UP.

Tweet Type : Unlocking Badges
Example :¬†I unlocked the ‘who cares’ badge

I did this recently, by accident. I felt so sad I nearly cried. But I didn’t tell anyone.

Tweet Type : Live event tweets
Example : Apple Keynotes

Hey look! I’m watching the Apply Keynote and tweeting every single thing they say to make me look current and cool even though, if you’re even slightly interested, you’ll also be watching the same thing. Really? Must we?

Tweet Type : Live TV tweets
Example : The mighty Tato eating @eamonn_forde during #xfactor.

When you are compelled by the familial unit to watch a constant stream of trash TV, the great saviours are those that live tweet genuinely funny stuff along with the show. Thank you all very much.

Tweet Type : Pictures of coffee from Instagr.am

It’s a kinda ironic clich√©¬†thing now isn’t it?

Tweet Type : Asking for more followers to get to a follower number landmark
Example : I only need 3 more followers to get to 175, please help!

The single worst thing about people on Twitter is follower obsession. The single biggest thing that will lose you followers is follower obsession. Get over it and be interesting.

Tweet Type : Tweets from those sites that tell you how many people followed/unfollowed you this week.
Example : My week on Twitter, 2 new followers, 7 unfollowed me.

Yeah, I wonder why…

Tweet Type : Asking for a celeb retweet (  usually about a sad story/charity thing ).
Example :¬†Hey @robinince, you’re a nice bloke can you RT my JustGiving page?

Does anyone ever click on those?

Tweet Type : Celeb tweets that kill the website they link to
Example : Stephen Fry used to suffer this a lot.

Gotta laugh, perhaps a sites one and only chance for a moment in the sun and.. boom!

Tweet Type : Celeb/footballer tweets that immediately end up as mainstream news

Dear BBC, cutting and pasting with Rio Ferdinand and Michael Owen say on Twitter is not “breaking sports news”

Tweet Type : Celebs retweeting criticism to prove they are balanced

Aw bless. It’s ok, we know you’re awright really.

Tweet Type :¬†Retweeting someone saying something nice about you even though your followers presumably already know you’re great so, well, they already know.

Remember the “Twitter followers are a closed group” thing? What good does doing this do?

Tweet Type : Attempts at humour by jumping on a hashtag bandwagon

I blame @quantick.

Tweet Type : Tweets that contain 1-time use hashtags

#YouDoRealiseThisMissesThePointOfAHashtagDontYou?

Tweet Type : Asking a question, the answer to which might be useful to others

Yes, do that! We should all learn together.

Tweet Type : Asking a question, the answer to which is daft, dull or easily Googleable

No, don’t do that, it’s just noise, stop being lazy!

Tweet Type :¬†Here’s what I’m doing now – eating something, on a bus, etc.

This is what the non-Twitter world assumes we all do. Don’t conform to their stereotype.

Tweet Type : The one where people do this. That.

You know when you have a blog post lying at draft for ages and you’ve not done a post for ages but it’s the holidays and you can’t think of anything original so you drag the post out of draft and just publish it without much further input? That.

 

1 Comment

  1. This is great… only now I have nothing to say on Twitter without being a ‘nobber” or doing ‘That’. Twitter brigade summed up perfectly.

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