A final wee quiz for 2009. I generated this word cloud from the entire text of a novel**. If you can guess the novel you can win a copy of the book.

Second prize is 2 copies

If you like this kind of Word Cloud type quiz there are another EIGHTY over at www.bimbogami.co.uk based on music and movies. All free and fun. And if you play you’ll make @manicmorff very happy.

Word cloud courtesy of www.wordle.net

** there’s a clue on this page

Today started much like any other. The evilly sequenced set of alarms clattered into life. Each leaving sufficient time for me to return back into a dreamy doze before blowing the whistle to urge me over the top.

The morning evolution begins. Hunched simian gives way to an upright and scratching Australopithecus. A large stretch reveals something more hominid in form before a final flurry of blinks and groans allows my final almost human shape to emerge; pale and hairy, like those bug-eyed nocturnal animals the beloved Mr. Attenborough chases about in the dark.

Into the bathroom and the radio goes on. Someone, somewhere is moaning about something. Again. Shower on and in. Gurgle, gurgle, sploosh and we’re awake; or what passes for awake. Comatose with a smile – forced – weekday.

As in the days of yore, there is no charge in the electric toothbrush. As brushes go, they don’t brush very well. I scrape and drag a bit. That’ll do.

Pants, trousers, shirt, socks. Socks? Off black, dark black, scudding gray, formerly approximating to black, black with a stripe, black with a slightly thicker stripe, black with Homer Simpson, black with a ridge band a the top, black with a slightly wider ridged band at the top. That’s close enough, the last two will do as a pair.

Shoes on and it’s once a again an awful long way down to the laces. Cue that noise old men make when they get out a chair. Ergo, mmm… best not say it out loud.

The car keys are usually in one of 97 possible places. I find them in place 93. Which I take as a positive. The glass may only be 4 out of 97 parts full but some days that’s enough.

In car and radio on. Some so-called expert is explaining why someone, somewhere who is moaning about something should stop moaning while someone from a so-called pressure group guffaws in contempt to the annoyance of the presenter. I sneer at them all. No one notices.

The drive out to the motorway is more stop than start. This would seem to defy a few laws of physics, but that’s how it feels with the two left hand pedals getting more involved that the right hand side one. Lights, cameras and not much action. Weaving idiots and fat arsed cyclists before the open-road sanctuary of the motorway looms; the 10 seconds of accelerating joy ahead of the nose-to-tail trundle.

And we’re off and there goes Mansell. There stops Mansell. A bus overtaking a truck. There endeth the fun. After a couple of miles I sneak past the sleepy-tacho-trucks and stick the MP3 player on to lighten my mood. Yes indeed, it is a Pleasant Valley Sunday, you’re right, how rude of me not to notice. Pah.

But still, the road is quieter, I’m making progress and leaving more things behind me that there are in front of me. Actually, there is quite a lot, quite far behind me. I strain in the rear view mirror but it looks like everything has backed off behind me to quite a distance. I’m not going quickly but nothing is keeping pace. No idiots in BMW’s careering up my rear, no leather-cased bloodbags on bikes hurtling to their next accident. Nothing for almost a mile at least. Odd. Anyway, on with the journey, turn up the music, all the better for me to have the road to myself.

And then I see them. Blue lights. One, then two, maybe more behind those. With the rest of the traffic still far behind a phalanx of traffic cars was making its way up towards me. I turned down the music and turned round to check what I thought the mirror was telling me.

It was only then I saw the hand appear against the rear windscreen…

I would like to take a few moments to suggest you check out the most excellent NewsBiscuit book, Isle of Wight To Get Ceefax. If you’re not familiar with NewsBiscuit it is a UK focused satirical website (much in the style The Onion). This book contains the best from the site and is a perfect gift for Xmas in that coffee table book style.

The book itself is really well produced and looks great. I know this because I received my complimentary copy today. It is hardback with colour and images and… “Hang on“, I hear you interrupt, “your complimentary copy? How so?“ “Oh“, I reply, “Didn’t I mention that I had a story in it?“ “No you didn’t“, you continue, astonished, “Did you get paid?“ “I will receive some recompense, yes.“ “But won’t that make you a professional satirical writer?“ “Well, I rather suppose it does.“

But seriously, it is genuinely funny, despite my very short and heavily abridged contribution. I encourage you all to check it out.

Two steps forward, three steps back. I’d made some progress on TerraExitus. Not much, but enough to give me a feel for where I was going. And there’s the problem. I passed a few chunks by Stuart and we both arrived at a pretty similar conclusion. It was a bit too hard to read. I know what I was trying to do, but Stuart put it best:

“I still wonder if attempting to deliberately create an artificial authorial voice with your second novel is altogether wise.“

He has a point. I think I’d need to be far better than I am to pull off what I was trying to do. I need to have a think. Do I try to pull it off? Do I stick with the first person at all? I have so little time to work on this now, I’ll never finish it with too big a false start. I need to think…

Well. Despite not being able to buy The Beatle Man on Amazon in the UK at the moment, the booksellers in other parts of the world have sprung into action.

So, the people of Japan, Denmark & Estonia, I say to you, buy the book, love the book and, if you’re very talented, read the book!

• Estonia
• Denmark
• Japan

Two steps back. First the good news, the book cover art has turned up on the Amazon listing for the book. Which is nice.

Unfortunately, Amazon cancelled the test order I did saying they couldn’t get the book and you can no longer buy it. So much for the so-called ‘distribution’.

It seems remarkable that (what must be?) an entirely electronic process is so incredibly slow, clunky and beset with problems. Unless it is simply some intransigence relating to BookSurge.

Yours grumpily,
The Typo King

Well, well, well. After who knows how long, The Beatle Man is now listed on Amazon (albeit with a somewhat perplexing ’sourcing fee’ which will hopefully go and no cover art).

Not entirely as energised by this news as I would have expected, but all things writing are likely to take a back seat for a while until I get the predicted job change out of the way.

Just back from a weekend on the Solway Coast. Very nice it was too. Although, it stayed very grey until the day to come back. As a result the photos were largely of the expected variety…

Finally, many thanks to Anna for sending me my first book review from the US. I’m very glad you liked it.

Well, I just wasn’t in the mood tonight. So I watched some football and then did this.

Sadly, I’m pretty much out of “interesting people I have met” stories…