To whom this may concern:

I’d like someone to build a very simple theme park. It’s merely the set of the BBC series The Thick Of It. It is populated by various characters from the show (played by the theme park staff) and you get to pay £20 to be Malcolm Tucker for 30 minutes.

During that time you can march about the offices shouting and swearing and anything and anyone you see. A scoring system will grade you based on the frequency, quality and volume of your swearing. Special points are added for creativity. Your score will give you a graded token with which you can buy gifts at the shop on the way out.

We’re all stressed, especially at this time of electoral frenzy. I think it would be a major winner. Someone needs to get on this soon before I rent one of the many empty offices around here and open TuckerWorld myself.